inspired by a roleplay between myself and Soundundertone. I do think they’d make amazing dads.
i’m gonig to b ve SICK
From a letter brought home by Hamish Watson-Holmes, October 6th, as attached to a crayon drawing:
Dear Messrs Holmes and Watson,
As Mr. Holmes has continuously ignored my calls and I suspect he has had my number blocked from Mr. Watson’s phone, I am forced to send this note home with your son. I would like to draw your attention to a number of worrying things in a drawing your son recently created during our allotted ‘individual exploration’ time.
First off, please note the dour expression drawn on the face of Mr. Holmes, as compared to the cheerful grins on Hamish and Mr. Watson. The severity of the Hamish’s depiction of Mr. Holmes is quite alarming, and I worry about the attitude he normally displays to the boy. While Hamish is an exceptionally bright, positive child, he often falls into quite alarming sulks, and is a terror to myself and the other children in the class.
I should also point out how much larger Mr. Watson’s head is than Mr. Holmes. This causes me to suspect that Mr. Watson does the majority of caregiving in your household, and while there is always some imbalance to be expected, it is worth contemplating whether or not Mr. Watson is dominating Hamish’s affections as a result.
Honestly, this notion is supported by the fact that Mr. Holmes is rendered as a dark mass at the side of the image, and does not make contact with the other two figures. The drawing of Mr. Watson, however, displays affection towards Hamish. This worries me greatly, Mr. Holmes.
Please, I feel this discussion would be much more appropriate in person, and I implore you to arrange a meeting with me at your earliest convenience. I expect you to send a note to me with Hamish by the end of the week, if I do not receive a phone call sooner.
Failure to contact me will result in me contacting higher authorities, in the boys best interest.
Year 2 Teacher
From a note attached to the note attached to Hamish’s drawing:
Dear Ms. Brown,
You are, irrefutably, an idiot.
From a note attached to a note that was previously attached to the note attached to Hamish’s drawing:
From a new note attached to the note attached to Hamish’s drawing:
Dear Ms. Brown,
Your concern is noted and appreciated, though very much unwarranted. I can assure you, we have the most warm, loving household imaginable, including Mr. Holmes, who has never shown another living thing the kind of devotion he shows Hamish.
I apologize for your difficulty in reaching me, as does Mr. Holmes, who has given me his word he will no longer block numbers on my phone without my permission.
I would also like to extend an invitation to you to join us for tea this Sunday, so that you may see for yourself what a loving family we are. Mr. Holmes promises not to work that day
and will have the body parts cleared from the kitchen.
Thank you again,
Dr. John Watson
“Good morning, Father.”
“Ah. Good morning, Hamish.”
“It’s really bad this time, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes. Very much so.”
“Do I need to call Uncle Greg? Will you need backup?”
“Not at all. I’m perfectly able to handle this alone.”
“Then can you tell me what it was?”
“The cream-coloured jumper his grandmother hand-knit for him right before he left for medical school.”
“Acid. It was exactly the consistency and blend of wool I needed.”
“You know that serving him breakfast in bed will just make him suspicious, Father.”
“Yes, Hamish, but he will eat it, nonetheless. He’s quite fond of the eggs.”
“So that’s where the sedatives are, then?”
“Half of them. The others are in the coffee. Well. Just about time for you to leave, I should think. Give me three hours, and text me before you start back.”
“Yes, Father. Standard procedure.”